![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Mafia humor
I don't know if this requires too much context to be funny to anyone else, but I have to record yesterday's WhatsApp exchange for my own benefit:
Her: i was trying to eat a frozen meal and it was very bad
Her: i did defrost it, bf u ask
Me: 😂
Me: I'm sorry you're not in your new apartment and can't cook your own food yet!
Me: People should make food to your taste.
Her: i agree
Her: I'm going to have to order food
Her: sigh
Me: You have all my pity.
Me: My phone tried to complete that as "stuff," and I was like, "No, I have all YOUR stuff!" 😂
Her: lol
Her: you do, i left all my stuff for you ❤️
Her: honestly, trophy wife behavior
Her: you deal with this!
Me: That's what makes you a trophy wife, you don't have to deal with this!
Her: exactly
Me: A border collie is a working dog. A kea bird is an agent of chaos!
Her: I'm imagining we're like a Staten island couple, you're a mob boss and I'm the bimbo
Her: idk, pop culture reference
Me: I am okay with being the mob boss in this scenario!
Her: lol
Her: i guess we'd both be agents of chaos
Her: actually no, it's called organized crime
Her: you'd still be a border collie 😉
Me: 😂
Me: I accept this roleplay.
Her: I left for Sicily and now you have to get rid of all the fur coats and hair spray
Her: boxes and boxes
Her: idk, more fun than my craft junk lol
Me: If Make and Mend doesn't get back to us, do I get to break some kneecaps?
Her: lol
Her: I'm going to try Swanson Fabrics
Me: If you're in Sicily, do I get to import a bunch of lemons to Boston?
Her: oh yeah, a fuckton
Jokes explained:
"trophy wife": I'm the sole breadwinner, and she has made jokes about being the trophy wife since we got married.
"border collie": An animal that likes organizing things, i.e. my favorite dog and my nickname at home and at work.
"kea bird": A New Zealand bird that behaves very chaotically and destructively toward, idk, cars and umbrellas and sheep and whatever it can get its beak on. Her favorite bird and her nickname at home.
"Make and Mend": A craft thrift store in Boston that theoretically does home pickups of craft supply donations, but hasn't replied to any of our attempts to contact them. Come on, people, I need to get rid of all this stuff!
"lemons": The Mafia got its start by exporting vast amounts of Sicilian lemons, including to the US.